19 March 2012
Know how to be different?
Don't study for your CTs.
That's different, all right.
Especially when you're in a school where everybody studies for every bit of test.
And no less when it come to major exams.
It's taboo not to study.
And I think that's why I don't study.
Or at least that's the situation I find myself in right now.
It's a mere 9 hours to my first paper and I have not read up a single thing.
I am as unprepared as I've never been.
I'm so fucking lazy.
But no.
I don't think it's
just laziness.
It has to be more than that.
I think it's because I like it.
It.
The thrill of knowing that I know so little.
The adrenaline of taking this new risk.
A risk that gets riskier and more foolish from one exam to another.
To see the possibility of how narrowly I'll somehow manage to walk away from all of this.
It's sick.
But it's so exciting.
The latent, somewhat nauseating, feeling that I get.
Don't you think it's crazy?
To step into an examination not knowing shit.
I've never really tried it.
Sure, I've been testing it out the past few exams.
But never really full-on.
Hmm.
It's stupid.
I know.
But.
I don't know.
I guess everyone just has their moments.
I can actually come out of this calling myself a rebel.
A deviant, rather.
Because I'm not really rebelling against anything or anyone in particular.
In fact, I couldn't give a rat's ass about rebelling.
A deviant.
A fucked up deviant.
A fucked up, lazy, deviant.
Oh, Amirul...
4:26 AM
