01 November 2011
Today was projected to be a real sucky day.
I swear.
I came into it already knowing that it wouldn't be the best of days.
What with half of the class gone for their Mother Tongue paper.
But I have to say.
Now that I think about it.
Being in tutorial and lecture with just us four was not as bad as I thought it would be.
Not awkward.
Not too boring.
Not weird.
It was okay.
And it continued to be okay once we ended at 11.30am.
GP got cancelled.
Mind you, I did realize that I'd have 5 hours worth of break before rehearsals started.
5 fucking hours.
But this only occured to me a while later.
I spent the first hour of break with the rest who finished their Chinese paper already.
More specifically with Dyon, Sara and Rachel.
That part was okay.
Like normal, you know?
Then I had a meeting with Booth and Jasmine.
Which actually went better than expected.
So far, so good actually.
I could have denounced my own foretelling that the day was going to suck right there and then.
But little did I know that things would take a turn for the worst.
Meeting over.
3 more hours.
No one in school that I could hang out with.
I was pissed.
More frustrated, really.
With the fact that I didn't know where to go.
I was alone.
I was tired.
It was raining and dark.
And I just wanted something to fill my time.
You know.
It was during this time that I realized how amazing it would be to have a boyfriend (or girlfriend).
For some reason, a partner comes with the certainty that he'd be there.
And it's not just a friend.
He'd be someone to comfort you affectionately.
Keep me warm amidst the rain.
I was jealous.
And I was mad.
Mad that I didn't have anyone of that nature.for me to call to.
For me to turn to.
For me to wait for.
For me to be with.
I was.
If there was ever a better time to use the word 'pethatic', it would've been that.
So.
I brought myself over to the secondary side.
Hoping that Ms Sara would have something for me to do.
Or at least time to spare to talk or whatnot.
I was in need of company.
She didn't reply so I just sat waiting at the circular area outside the staffrooms.
Yes.
The one that my friends and I camped every other day last year.
I swear it felt so normal and usual.
Sitting there.
I didn't feel that nostalgic or it didn't bring back that many memories.
But I felt strangely typical.
Like I've always been sitting there.
Which isn't a bad thing I guess.
But I think one of the things that made me feel that way was the interactions I had with some of the teachers that passed by.
Really made my day.
My decision to plunk my fat ass on a seat at the circular area has got to be one of the best decisions I've ever made.
I chatted for a bit with Mrs Seow, Cikgu Hafizah, said hello to Mrs D'Cruz.
Like I was a year younger.
It was nice how these teachers remembered me.
But really, it was just nice that these teachers even bothered saying hi and actually stopping by to ask how I was doing.
Not Malani though, 'cause I never really knew her that well anyway.
But she was nice enough to wave and all.
Hahaha.
Yes.
But the best part of today has got to be, hands down, my (somewhat) brief conversation with Dr. Alfiani.
For one.
I thought that she had left the school already.
So I was confused to see her appear out of nowhere.
I thought that she'd just say hello and a word or two and walk away.
BUT NO.
She sat down and talked to me.
TALKED TO ME.
And I swear, our conversation felt like it was between two old friends who have not met in a really long time.
And it felt good.
It felt like she was opening up so much about herself.
And I learnt so much about herself and about life and about the shittiness of school in that 15 minutes talking to her than I did throughout the year that she was my RE-SL mentor.
I really appreciated every single thing that she told me.
From her experience in JC to anthropology to personal developments to her take on life.
It was amazing.
I really did not expect any of it at all from here.
In that short period of time, it truly felt like I was talking to a friend rather than a teacher.
It was THAT comforting.
It made me so happy.
I'm still happy just thinking about it.
I think I've found a friend in her.
She told me about how it took her, a nerd back then, a year to get the captain of the rugby team.
Which was so hilarious.
And how JC time is a time to have crushes.
In fact, to fall deep into crushes and have many crushes.
And to actually act on it.
That being and feeling embarrassed is the thing to go through during this time.
That the distraction of a boyfriend actually has its academic benefits.
Something to that extent, at least.
Before she left, she told me how she truly wished me the best in life.
That she really, really wishes that I succeed and achieve what I want etc.
And you know.
I actually believed her.
I really believed those last few words that she left me with.
It wasn't just something that someone says to end a conversation.
It wasn't just some obligatory concluding paragraph.
It was genuine.
And it sucked.
Because she had to leave to see her husband.
When all I wanted was to continue talking to her.
To learn more.
To be inspired.
I told her that I'm thinking about pursuing anthropology.
And she seemed very supportive about it.
The whole discussion segued into her perspective on life.
Which I felt was spot on.
I felt comforted and satisfied with the things that she told me.
That being silly is actually what I'm supposed to do in JC.
That studies is important too.
That I can actually make it too.
Her results were more or less the same as mine.
So I'm determined to succeed like her.
She doesn't seem to think that highly of her achievements.
But I think that to be in a place that she is in is good enough for me.
You know.
To ultimately be happy in life.
And she looks happy.
And that's all that I want.
To be happy.
And she showed me that there is hope.
So I'm not giving up.
I will find happiness and love one day.
And it doesn't have to come at the cost of religion.
That's another thing that I found out about her that I never really did figure out in 2 years.
She doesn't seem that religious a person.
But she's faithful.
I don't exactly know what she meant by "pray", but I think what I got from it is to never lose sight of what you believe in.
And that you don't have to sacrifice religion and your beliefs.
But that it also doesn't mean that you're a bad person if you don't completely, fully subject yourself to religion.
As in.
As long as you ensure that you have the fundamentals close to your heart.
Then you're set for the world.
Because you still need to believe in something and having God with you is actually comforting.
So yes.
That.
I learnt a lot from her.
Officially one of the best teachers I've ever had the pleasure of knowing.
Heck.
One of the best persons I know.
She's such an inspiration and I hope one day that someone else thinks the same way about me too.
That someday I can provide similar guidance and friendship.
Thank you so much, Dr Alfiani, for making today one of the most meaningful days of my life.
I had a really long conversation with Zachary too.
And by now I'm actually too tired to expand on the details of what we talked about.
But I'll have you know that everything he told me was super useful and meaningful too.
It's like a guide to taking on J2 life.
History.
I need to consolidate and categorize my content early.
Like this holiday early.
Literature.
That I need to love what I'm doing.
To really understand and interpret something, uninhibited.
To appreciate and open myself up.
To really think.
Thinking is all that you need in analysis and evaluation.
And to love it and have your own interpretation of something is important to do well.
Appreciate the books that you read and try to relate it to yourself.
Maths.
To listen as much as possible during lectures.
And to consolidate what you learnt or recap on the same day, during a break or at home.
Tutorials are meant for asking questions only so you must come prepared.
And you need to revise this holiday.
ELL.
Consultation with teachers goes a long way.
You shouldn't be getting U's for any of the CTs and Prelims next year.
You should be improving from one exam to another.
CT1 is designed to shock you from the December lull.
CT2 is designed to shock you more.
Prelims is supposedly more reasonable and more accurate gauge of your A's.
It's important to study during the December holidays but it's okay to have a little more playtime.
5 hours play and 2 hours study per day.
That your time will be somewhat more freed up without PW.
That, really.
You need to enjoy studying.
Because it is possible.
And it will help you achieve.
It really goes a long way.
I've never really talked talked with Zachary before (I think).
So again, this was way unexpected.
I'm really thankful for his cautionary and wise words.
I can, for one, admit that I can learn from my senior's experience.
I feel a bit more prepared now.
Now that I know a little bit of what I'm getting myself into.
I have a renewed confidence, really.
Yes.
That's what today gave me.
Renewed confidence.
A sort of reawakening of the wonders and potential of life.
That talking actually gives you perspective on life.
And different perspectives on life from those who have lived it longer than you, no matter by a year more or a decade more, is really a wonderful thing.
Today, I am inspired.
Today, people managed to uplift me.
I feel humbled, in a way.
And touched.
Truly touched.
I love today for what it offered me in life.
I learnt a lot today.
1:28 AM
