26 October 2011
I hate Facebook.
I hate Twitter.
I hate Tumblr.
OMG.
I fucking hate social media.
It's sapping out every single bit of my life.
It forces me to share everything about me that I don't even have to share.
It's disgusting.
The feeling is disgusting.
I feel different.
Like.
I don't know.
It's all so fucking superficial.
If you would ask me right now what my biggest regret is.
It would be agreeing to come back to social media.
And come back with a bang.
It's all so foolish.
To quench a thirst for constant updates.
It's so fucking unnecessary.
A lot of the things are so superficial.
So fucking trivial.
It feeds everyone's vanities.
And I feel so polluted by the allure of it all.
I knew that I wanted to come into it to get your attention.
But I'm getting and craving and fucking lusting for attention.
It's scary.
I'm scared and disgusted and appalled by what social media is making me,
By what social media allows me to do.
It's all just wrong.
No one should have to know everything about everyone.
It's not necessary.
We can progress without having to know what the fuck you're doing every second.
OMG.
I'm so angry with myself right now.
What shit have I got myself into?
FUCK FUCK FUCK.
I hate this.
I want to deactivate my Facebook account.
I want to remove my Twitter and Tumblr accounts.
I just want to get away from it all.
Not all of them are my friends.
It all feels so wrong.
So twisted.
I hate it.
I despise it.
I detest it.
Social media repulses me for what I allow myself to do.
It annoys me for making me realize what little self-control I have.
HOW?
What am I going to do?
I can't possibly delete my accounts.
Then it'll just be a tired trick.
When it's not that at all.
Granted.
The first time I deactivated my account I wasn't sure what I was getting myself into (or out of).
But now I know.
I know that I want out.
And I know that I want out fast.
This all is not for me.
The forced attention.
This fake world.
It's all so fucking wrong.
WHAT THE SHIT FUCK HAVE I GOT MYSELF INTO?
I know now.
With full certainty.
That social media is not for me.
Maybe in the slightest.
But not fully.
I just hate the feeling of having a part of me out there, unattended.
Even if I put my profile on private.
There's the other hundreds of people who see my shit.
And then there's the pressure.
The pressure to not just post anything.
To not just express myself anyhow.
Because at the end of the day.
It's still about how I want others to perceive me.
And I just can't control myself with social media.
It's hard to keep to yourself.
It's hard to feel good about myself.
It's hard to feel reassured that I'm above everyone else in that I don't bother with the kind of shit that they do.
AGH.
I feel like a hypocrite for some reason.
But fuck it.
Social media can go fuck itself.
I hate it so much.
Blog.
I will always cherish you as the one true platform for me to express myself.
For me to be myself.
Uninhibited.
Unrestricted.
This is so much for liberating and less time consuming and less tiring.
It's more real.
It's more me.
No.
It IS me.
What you see of me on Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr.
Is a bit of what I want you to see of me.
A bit of what I am not.
A bit of what I'm expected to be.
And only insubstantially truly me.
It's not a good thing, this whole social media thing.
ARGH.
FUCK IT.
FUCK IT SO MUCH.
ONE OF MY BIGGEST REGRETS.
I SHOULD'VE STAYED IN OBSCURITY.
I SHOULD'VE JUST LET WHATEVER WAS HAPPENING ON FACEBOOK HAPPEN.
NONE OF IT MATTERS TO ME.
I DON'T CARE.
What do I do.
What do I do?!
I want to escape but I don't know how.
It's such a huge burden that even if I don't update it.
It'll still be there, online.
I don't want it there at all.
I don't want to be in there.
Fuck.
Help me.
2:29 AM
