20 September 2011
This is my 200th post.
This is a big deal.
Who knew I'd keep this blog up for as long as I have?
To actually commit to something.
To myself, really.
Hahaha.
No matter.
I intended to write a long-ass post about the symbolic nature of this post yadayadayada.
But I think that the number "200" speaks for itself.
I don't have to go into detail about the significance of this blog.
Because it's all here.
It goes without saying.
But I will point out one thing:
That I've changed.
Not in most of the ways I had hoped for.
But I've changed.
I'm still cynical.
I don't think I'm necessarily less cynical.
But what I am now is also hopeful.
I've chosen to believe.
To take a peek into the little crack in the wall.
And there will be days where I revert back to my state of depression and self-pity.
Of psychological self-torment.
But I think I'll be okay.
I think I will be.
Because I'm starting to learn that hope is a nice little thing.
So yes.
200 posts.
And several more to come.
Thanks for sticking through with me all this while.
---
This was written during ELL lecture:
On page 2:
Today, I am very irritated.
- Why do you make me feel uncomfortable and angry and make things awkward when I'm nothing but nice to you? / When I've not done anything to offend you?
- I think I will fail. / I am unprepared. / There's a lot to study. / I don't have time. / I want to go home.
- Stop complaining to me. / I don't care. / I have my own problems. / I don't care. / Shut up.
- Stop making little remarks to me. / I'm too tired to bother trying to understand you. / No, I don't want to laugh. / Don't look to me and expect a response./ I don't agree with you.
- Stop looking at me. / Stop trying to figure me out. / I can see you looking at me. / You can't figure me out.
On page 4:
But today, I am relieved.
- I'm finally not hung up on you and what you will never be.
---
It's raining.
When I do, it pours.
10:54 PM
