05 September 2011
The past 3 days have been raya overload.
I am tired.
And I need to catch a break before letting school shit set in.
Today I realized that I enjoy spending time with my cousins.
Especially when we'd be crazy in the un-contrived kind of way.
Maybe it's that I rarely have a lot of fun so even the slightest bit of fun is fun.
But I had fun.
Fun singing raya songs, being goofy on video, eating together, mengumpat-ing and just spending raya as it should be.
Uninhibited, informal.
So that's all that matters.
I also realized that I hate awkward social circumstances involving extended family.
I know it's the self-conscious freak in me.
But I don't like the feeling of being judged when I'm in my own house.
And I hate feeling like I could never add up to the Malay conventional expectations.
And I hate how I forget that I don't have to feel like I need to amount to all of that.
That I decide for myself who I want to be.
Because at the end of the day, I don't have to care what you think.
2:44 AM
