13 June 2011
I'm going to have to go to school in 30 minutes or so.
And my mothers hasn't woken up yet.
Hahaha.
It's okay.
I didn't sleep from the last post anyway.
So.
My hard drive is broken.
The one my sister bought me for my 16th birthday.
The one which I had everything on.
And trust me, everything is too much an understatement.
It feels like my whole life was in there.
My past, at least.
No, at most.
EVERYTHING.
Photos, videos etc.
Memories.
And I don't really know how to deal with it.
I feel a little bit depressed.
Now that I can't access the things on it.
It seems like everytime I think about it.
I remember so many things that mean so much.
My whole music collection is in there.
The one which was a continuous, years worth of effort.
School documents.
Things from my old computer.
Heck, photos from primary school.
I know, it's not the end of the world.
And it's really sad and pathetic that I'd be depressed over something like this.
But you know.
I'm scared.
That as I'm growing older.
I forget.
And maybe memories come back in bits and pieces.
And I'd not be able to remember them fully.
And I'd beat myself over not having anything to remind me.
Hmm.
Hmph.
But I know.
I know that it's beyond repair.
That as precious and significant it is.
Now, it only was all of that.
Was.
It's useless now.
And I need to move one.
It's really hard.
I've held on to it for weeks now.
Because I'm scared of burning my past away.
But I need to do this.
I need to get rid of it.
And I need to start afresh.
And I think it's a good thing that I'm letting of it.
Because, honestly, my hard drive was full of shit too.
Full of it.
I kept.
You know.
Stuff.
And I was always afraid that I'd never stop collecting those stuff.
That I'd never bring myself to delete them eventually.
So I guess it's a good thing.
A sign from god.
That' he's listening and that he wants to help me.
So I'm getting this new start.
And going to grab it and run with it.
It's not fun saying goodbye.
It's not easy.
It's not the best feeling in the world.
But I'm hoping that in a month's time, a year's time, a decade's time.
I'd be able to say that it's satisfying.
A relief.
Necessary.
And there you have it.
I'm moving on with my life.
And now I guess I'll build the next phase of my life one one song a time.
One day at a time.
God, I hope you keep listening to mt pleas.
But for now, thank you.
I still forget and wonder why my life is so fucked up sometimes.
But I think I'm getting closer to appreciating the fact.
I know I'm going to forget sometimes.
So I'll keep praying that you show me the way.
Amin.
5:41 AM
