Hello world.

11 February 2009

does sadness last forever?
for some people, that is.

i wouldn't know.
not yet.

nowadays i've been listening to lots of old songs.
not old in terms of billy joel or etta james old.
but mariah, rihanna and hilary kind of old.
yup.

old.
you know, as in their older songs.
the ones that i listened to/ware created when i was growing up/when i was born.
they're sound really nice when you;ve not heard them for ages.
seriously.

and that got me thinking..
i don't listen to oldies or alternative music.
or whatever other unknown music that people listen to.

i know, it just proves how limited my preference is.
but i appreciate modern music.
music that make me dance.
dance hard.
dance freaky.
dance weird.
dance freely.

(when no one else is watching!)

so it doesn't really matter rigt now that i'm mostly open to danc-y music.
i'm opened to any other types of songs of course.
but i prefer my beyonce-ish songs.
you know, the 'i am...' and 'sasha fierce'.
wait, i just realized.
i LOVE ballads.
powerful ballads from mariah and beyonce.

they're just so..
fantabulous (as dyon aptly used in his anecdote, haha)

so yeah.
music's a great deal of fun.
a form of expression.
it's freedom, baybeh!

oh, remind me of something:
the IMPORTANT lesson learnt on sunday.

7:33 PM

08 February 2009

note to self:

stay away.
totally way out of your league.

that's all.



oh and it shouldn't be called rachel getting married.
instead, consider kim getting screwed (like an idiot).

maybe singapore should make an adaptation.
using the name i just proposed.
maybe they can drop the bracketed parts.

3:12 PM

i need to write poems.





no, i've been writing them all along.
my poems.
they're so poetic.
literal mostly but poetic.

they're beautiful.
but sad.
beautifully sad or sadly beautiful?
i think it's beautifully sad.

sad.

i'm sleepy but my emotions aren't fading.
my judgment's getting blurry.
and stronger.

stronger in terms of anger,
frustration.
confusion.

is it all illusions?
delusions?
which is which?
which is worse?

now i'm just being pointless.
the last few lines were meaningless.
don't bother with them.
i'm writing for the sake of writing.
it's no longer poetic, those lines.

maybe they are.
pointless.
but that's why they're there.
they're pointless.

which perhaps i might be right now.
i don't know.
told you i'm feeling sleepy.
i'm waiting for this to end.
i want to see you emerge again.
(first part of the poem to almost rhyme)
i need you to talk to me nicely.
in a happy tone.
so i won't feel bad about myself.
can you do that?
no, perhaps not.
but what the heck, right?

right.

okay then.
it ends now.

or maybe it doesn't.
does it have to?
yes, it has to.
goodnight.
sweet dreams or beautiful nightmares.













i'm sad.

1:15 AM

i really need to find something better to do.

turning to blogger to let out my emotions isn't very healthy.
yeah at least i'm not keeping it all in.
but writing to myself doesn't really discount the fact that no one's actually listening.
no one can comfort me but myself.
like that's any good.

i need to sing a sad song.
i need to cry.
i need to tear pieces of paper up and throw them into someone's face.
i need to give someone the cold shoulder.
i need to cry like crazy like j. love hewitt.
i need someone to lean on.
i need life.
i need to get a hold of myself.
i need someone to care.

i'm needy.
i feel this weight in my chest.
an uncomfortable feeling.
one that i detest but love to feel.
a familiar emotion.



it's starting to sound like before.
stop me before i go any further.
i need to be strong.
i need to keep moving.

i need to do what i need to do.




wait i forgot.
how could i forget.

god.

i have god with me.
ah, thank god.

1:06 AM

07 February 2009

i've just realized something.
i like to believe that things will get better.

but i also like to believe that things will not get better.
know how that works?

well, i hope for the best when it's something i like.
but the contrary for things i don't.

so as much as you screw me over.
i'll still find a reason or way to make it go away.
and now i am mad at you.
you slapped me right in the face.
and you didn't even have to say anything to do that.

it's unbelievable.

yet it's utterly clear now.
i know think it'll never be possible.

but you know how ignorant and foolish i can be.

stupid me.
always believing you'll be who i want you to be.




URGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
(not an orgasm)







damnit.

11:10 PM

06 February 2009

let's establish this fact:

as far as i'm concerned,
and as far as your knowledge limits you,

i am NOT who you think i am,
and i will NOT be who you say i am.

and don't you ever dare call me something i'm NOT.

11:58 PM

good evening.

(disclaimer: kk just signed in. haha.)

guess what i'm doing now.
fine, i'll tell you.
i'm listening to mariah (as in carey).
i wouldn't normally be listening to ms carey.
but i had a sudden interest in the songs that she sang waaaaaay back then.
her golden years, or so to speak of.
and the song that sparked this interest?
vision of love.

(actually a few weeks before this i was already attracted to her old songs.
coz my sis wanted to listen to them while i was packing for obs.
i vowed to listen to all her hits the moment i got back to s'pore.
which i did. i got her Greatest Hits album which was extremely awesome.
beyond words.
but only now have i grown more interested.
now i'm listening to her old albums.
see if there might be other vision of loves or emotionss.)

trust me when i say this.
mariah has a killer voice.
one that can reach pitches no ordinary man's can.
it's astonishing, i tell you.
it gets me flabbergasted everytime she does her signature high-pitch voice.

it's like a whistle.
heck, it's even more beautiful than a whistle.
i aspire to have a voice like her.
yea i know that's wishful thinking.
but one's got to dream, right?

but it's sad though.
such a talent is vanishing right before our eyes.
she's no longer able to reach THE high pitch with ease anymore.
it sounds more strained and forced.
as though she can no longer do it.
moreover, her performances are reaching a point where it's so horrible that i don't wanna watch.
coz i know (or at least i hope) she can do better.
and what she's giving now, it's not like the mariah i see at the 1991 grammy's.
i know it's a lot to ask for a singer who's been using THE voice for over 10 years already.
it must be painful to reach that pitch.
but you know what, i think i'll support her even so.
coz i like to believe she'll do better.
(and also because i love her feature role on the dream's 'my love'.

mariah, mariah.
here's to hoping for the best.






sooooo.
school was quite fun today.
well, at least for PE.
(messed up) basketball is actually quite fun.
tiring, but exciting still.
and very physical, i have to say.
*remembers the brief acrobatic maneuver thanks to dylan*
haha yea it was great fun.

then it was malay.
which was.. unexpected.
guess which one of my dreams came true!
okay fine, i'll tell you.
a pregnant (yet again, which baby is this? the 9th? hohoh) hafizah!
was seated at the teacher's table.
looking ever-so-innocent(ish) and skimpy(ish too; or maybe coz she's just all preggies).
technically my dream wasn't to see a pregnant hafizah, but i guess that will do.
she kept me distracted during the plain lesson.

third period was english.
anecdotes!
i guess you can say it was interesting.
oh, i found some of what they said a bit ironic.
hardcore irony (to me, at least).
what you said struck me bit, not really in a good way.
are you sure what you're saying is true?
or did you say it for the sake of relevance?
i forced myself to see your statements as objectively as humanly possible.
but i just couldn't.
it's like the case of too-much-has-been-said-and-done-to-change-anything.
did you see me roll my eyes?
haha. don't worry, i tend to do that.
*rolls eyes*

lastly, we had.. philo.
i won't comment much except for..
the lion(ess) trumped the lil kitty.






hah.
*rolls eyes*





im still waiting for you.
even if it's not worth anything at the end of the day.
even if i have to go against all odds.
at least i'm trying.

9:19 PM

05 February 2009

alright. i'm being way random right now so don't mind me.
i was sifting through somebody's blog and saw this stupid survey thing that another blog had done.
i've always wanted to see how it would turn out if i did it. so here goes..

set your music player to shuffle mode.
the next song that plays will be the answer for the question.
and so on...

11:42 PM

"eh eh.
there's nothing else i can say."

or is there?
lady gaga makes the most unique songs ever.
like a blogger once said. her whole album is orgasmic.
and you know what? i might have to agree.
though i wouldn't have the slightest of clues what it feels like.
i'm sure the indulgence her songs brings is to that extent.

she's a pretty awesome person.
she perfectly embodies the 'from-nothing-to-something' phenomenon.
which all of us strive to achieve.
at least that's my intention.
and get this right. i don't want to be someone else.
just something.

speaking of which.
i plucked up enough courage and shed much laziness to go to hmv.
city hall beb.
haha. nothing special. it's just that i don't normally go anywhere else after school.
i'm the boring type, remember?
i went there to contribute to Lady G's brewing success.
i bought her album!
a task which i intended to complete several months ago.
(but thanks to singapore's slow shipment or the late release in singapore, it wasn't possible.)

heck.
do you know when i found out about GaGa?
halfway through last year.
where no one.
NO ONE.
knew about her.
and now.. everyone's singing just dance.
(which fyi was released back in APRIL LAST YEAR)

don't get me wrong though.
she'll always be 2nd to Queen B.
my fierce Sasha Fierce.
whose tour i hope makes a stop at singapore this year!
sashasashasasha whooo!
(that's me jumping up and down during the concert)

GG's viewing rates have been declining recently.
and honestly, i can see why.
the last two or three episodes have been pretty blergh lately.
unless they want to call the show Crisis Strikes Bass Industries, they better not let that story arc emerge again.
but still.
the most recent episode (17, Carrnal Knowledge) is really, really woahh.
it's gaining its scandalous touch back.
the juice that was the earlier episodes is starting to seep back in.
oh horny scriptwriters, where hath thou gone?
i'm sure to keep watching GG.
oh, here's a nice quote by none other than gossip girl herself. she sometimes come up with witty and pretty relevant sayings from time to time. here's one referring to derena's recent breakup. (god, is it the 165, 674th time the duo brokeup? enough already. where's geor-gina??[blair would say that]):

"sometimes the only thing left to do is wrap your arms around each other one last time and then just... let go"

ghost whisperer's been extremely interesting (and not to mention heavily emotional) this season.
although i might not be the biggest fan on jim's so-called-death, (is a person considered dead even if his soul possesses someone else's dead body?) i am loving the storyline that follows.
it's very touching.
especially when J. Love's eyes start becoming glassy with water.
one of the scenes on the recent episode really struck me.
struck me real hard.
the kind of hard where you can relate to.

i wonder why i find myself relating to tv shows so much.
it's not real.
but yet i pick up on certain things that happens on these shows.
whether it's a backstabbing bitch spreading your secrets on a blog or reuniting the dead with their loved ones.. i find it so real.

maybe that's why i expect so much from my life.
i put it to be so much like a television show.
but you can't blame me, can you?
most of the time, my life sucks so much that tv shows are the only things that can give me what i want.

yup.

sometimes.
i think that even blair waldorf is better than you.







p.s.
you've officially added yourself to my long list of lying liars.
i'd like to say screw you, son of a bitch, but i think that phrase is pretty much worn out by now and redundant on this blog.

and that's all for now. bubbye.

6:08 PM

What do you want to know about me?

Amirul.

July 2005
August 2005
October 2005
November 2005
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
September 2008
October 2008
January 2009
February 2009
June 2009
November 2009
May 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
January 2012
February 2012
March 2012
April 2012
August 2012
January 2014

Who?

Caris.
Amanda.
Badi.
Chrystal.
LCH.
Huirou.
Vicky.
Syahirah.
Nia.
Levina.

Huh.

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