09 September 2008
good news:
beyonce's back!
with not one but TWO new singles!!!!
"if i were a boy" and "single ladies".
out 7th october but i hope it'll leak a week before that.
and..
her album's going to be out 18th november!
2 freaking months!!
maybe it's not really good news after all.
ahwell.
anyway.
for assembly today we had a performance/speech by this jon pritikit or-something-guy.
he broke the world record for rolling a pan, yes frying pan within 10s.
cool huh?
and he even showed us just now.
then he went on talking about his life.
how he was a failure and nobody believed in him.
even his family turned their backs on him.
sad, really. if you were there you would've known.
i tried to relate his story to myself.
it was sortof "dont give up." kind of story.
to be honest i was really touched.
he said it didnt have to be about studies or aspiration (as in to relate to his story)
but as long as you don't give up doing what it is you wanna it's great.
and i reflected.
and i realized.
all my life i've been looking for a true friend.
i might not necessarily have accomplished that.
but what's important, despite all the hardships, all the insults, all the lies..
i'm still standing tall.
and though there were times i felt like enough is enough..
i still pulled through and never gave up.
coz i believe in myself.
and if i want it, especially after going through so much.
i'm going to make sure i get it.
yeah.
yay for me.
anywayy.. gossip girl was cool. quite interesting.
and scandalous.. and funny.
hahah.
3rd lang was kindof awkward.
and it seems to get more and more awkward.
i hate it. (3rd lang)
the whole thing just makes me feel stupid.
the teacher, my friends, the exercises..
urgh.
ohh.
britney was AWESOME, no?
she was WONDERFUL!
i was so proud of her when she won those awards and when she opened the vmas.
now i cant wait for both her and beyonce's albums!!
i'm hungry for some new material babe.
can't wait.
until then.
you know you love me.
(yes. i love myself.)
xoxo.
not gossip girl.
but me.
11:40 PM
06 September 2008
hey amirul.
how's life?
wonderful?
didn't think so.
i'm sad. not the kind of sad that you show.
but the kind of sad that's deep inside your heart.
so deep that it's been in me for as long as i can remember.
i'm unsatisfied with my life.
with myself.
my friendships are so screwed.
i know, i'm rambling about the same old thing all over again, aren't i?
that's a perfect example.
it just shows that i've not been able to get over the matter since the last time.
haven;t you noticed?
i've ruined every single close friendship i've ever had.
my only chances of having a close friend.. all ruined..
by me!
why? cause i'm unsatisfied.
i want a friend.
a
FRIEND.
you know the ones who understand you truly..
the ones who'll never really tell you what's soo bad about yourself evnthough it's super obvious cause they don't wanna break your heart.
the ones who share the same, maybe not fully, stands as you do.
the ones who you can just be so open to.
the ones you can be angry with but never too angry cause they'll never neglect the friendship
the ones you can be yourself with.. laugh out loud, cry, fool around, act gay, tell stupid jokes.
the ones that you see on tv.
the ones that i know are out there but i've yet to find.
the ones i know i'll find when i grow up.
the once i know i'll find once i'm out all this.
all these superficial friendships.
all these baseless, selfish, unfair, heartbreaking friendships.
the type of friends who lie.
who keep secrets from you.
who always judges you.
who's never at your side to support you emotionally.
who'll always have others to go to other than you.
the type of friend who's not really the friend cause he doesn't like you.
no one really likes me, you know.
i'm a bitch.
i've said it before.. in jest..
but really. no one likes me.
i'm not just saying it for the sake of it.
but i'm really saying it.
NO ONE LIKES ME.
i go around acting all snub cause i dont like certain people.
that even my own friends don't like me.
you know why i'm like that?
why i'm always acting all fierce and strong face?
why i always look so mean and serious?
it's cause i dont want to be vulnerable.
i don't want to let my guard down.
cause then..
then people will start to get to me.
it's bad enough that i've no true friends to start off with..
so i depend on myself..
to stay strong and make sure that i'll be able to defend myself.
it's just so unfair, you know..
how EVERYONE has a friend or two.. or three..
heck.
everyone can be his friend.
sometimes i wish to have that many friends.
but then i think.. and i know..
i don't want superficial friends.
i want it to be real.
i want it to be meaningful.
i want to run away to another country.. to another school..
i want to be missed.. i want to be appreciated..
i want a friend.
am i asking for too much?
i don't thik so.
12:11 AM
