20 September 2007
im happy.
no im not.
and i shouldn't hide it.
im NOT happy.
and im not sure why ive been hiding it throughout this year.
well.
i am happy.
but not as happy as others are.
coz i realized that enjoying life hasnt what ive been doing this year.
except for certain things.
but mostly ive not been happy.
i feel its unfair.
very unfair that some people are just happier than others.
when the others are the one doing most of the effort to let them enjoy.
i mean.
seriously.
they use.
and they kick aside.
like, wth do they think i am.
ive always tried to benefit myself.
and of course others.
but somehow.
i always fail at benefiting myself.
i want to stop it.
and i hope i will.
soon.
and still.
for some reason im not sure.
wth is wrong with them.
um.
reality check.
the last time i checked.
my life was the one who's been f*ed up.
not theirs.
so why issit that they claim to be, um wht was that term they used, EMO?
yuck.
well, like i said so before.
it's too early and people like us, or you.
don't know how to do it right yet.
so just move along with life.
or if you don't want to.
then don't obstruct mine.
11:38 PM
14 September 2007
ahhh.
i feel used.
yes, USED.
like, utterly, utterly USED.
like all my effort that i put in for them.
i thought that was enough. i guess it's not.
i guess doing LESS means MORE.
coz now im seriously at the brink of ever trusting anyone of them anymore.
i just hate the feeling.
the feeling of trying to hard at doing good at something yet what you want goes the other way.
apparently this year, i've gotten my UNFAIR share of that.
it sucks. its painful. and i hate it.
i hate it so much.
i hate you so freaking much.
why can't you see that you should just freaking back off.
coz sometimes you need to know that youve gotten your chance.
and i havent really.
i just feel so bad for myself.
that now, everytime at the sight of your face.
i feel like slapping it over and over and over.
honestly. that's how i feel.
urgh. enough about you.
do you know what else turns me off?
the fact that people claim to feel so f****ing messed up when right in front of me.
with my own very eyes.
there's nothing freaking wrong with you!
enough with all those childish pretenses coz i'm sick of it.
it's come to the pint that it is TOO MUCH.
WAY TOO MUCH.
stop acting stupid when you're not.
stop being my friend when you're not.
and most importantly.
stop using me when you have EVERYONE ELSE.
11:48 PM
